Battlefield <3

♥ Moving backwards or Forward? gah.

Thursday, June 11, 2009 -{'6/11/2009 01:12:00 AM

Went to watch 17 again with the youth just now at 1Borneo. Damn, it was good and awesome. (: should watch. I'll rate it 7 over 10. Not bad not bad. (: actually, I was underage but oh well. Heh heh heh.

After movie, went for supper. Asked Jo to come. Manatau, went clubbing with Peter. I was like speechless. And Jo did joined us for supper. Suprised eh. Hmm. You know what guys? I wish that I could just press the rewind button. I seriously hate the way I acted during supper. I was super emo JUST because they din't talk to me. I was like man. What the hell is wrong with me? I was just asking God why etc. I was walking around Lintas. I felt like breaking down.
I was scared that I will turned to be the old Maxine back. I was REALLY scared. I told myself. "Maxine, dudette, you just gotta move forward man. So what if they don't talk to you? Its not like you're gonna die. God loves you. Remember that. PLEASE don't go backwards." I kept telling myself that.

*sighs* after supper, went home. Bro drove. I was just shaking my head in the car[no, I'm not a mental kid] and I was disappointed. My bro kept on asking what is wrong me and I just said nothing. I felt like telling him but decided no. I wanted to cry but I told myself, "stay strong." As I'm writing this, I am finally crying. Yay? Not so sure. I don't know man. I'm just totally wondering whether am I gonna be the old Maxine back after hols. Its like I'm slowly getting back to my old life. I JUST HATE IT.

Dad,
Please. I pray that You'll give me the strength to pull through. I don't want to be emo etc. God, help me. I'm really stuck.

I was listening to Planetshakers "Rain Down." And I broke down and cried. Gahhhhhh. Help anyone?

"Rain down on me. Here in yr presence i am free. Pour down like rain. Come and touch me again. Lord,let yr presence fall on me. ): sweet annointing, wash me over."

I pray that God will answer my prayer. I hope He heard me. I hope that He knows that I need help. Life..

sighs.

xoxo.

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